Life may or may not go on
by Tiliger
Summary: After the battle in the fifth book, Clary is stuck crying about everything. Jace is sad when he finds out that clary is gone and yeah so go read it right now. P.S. Clary's letter is at the end of the story. And I don't right because I'm good I write for fun. I know I suck at writing but I put a lot of work into this so keep your negative comments to yourself.


"Clary," Jace whispered. He needed her more than ever and she wasn't there.

"She isn't in the Institute, Jace." A voice came from his right side. _Alec._"She's at home, locked in her room. She won't come out or let anyone in. Isabelle said you can hear her crying through the door." Alec looked different. _He changed a lot in the last two months_, Jace thought, _but then again so has everything else. _

"I need to see her right now! I'm the only one who can calm her down! I need..." He broke off as he tried to sit up. Jace forgot all about the battle that took place only a few days ago. Clary screaming as she tried to break free of his grip. Then the shocked look on her face when she stabbed him with the sword. "Dammit! Alec, get me out of here. Or break open Clary's door and drag her down here! I don't care! I need to see her."

Alec smiled as if Jace said something funny. "Sorry, can't do anything for you until you're stable and we know you won't break open the wound again." He started to walk out of the room but stopped at the door. "By the way, Magnus put a spell on all of the windows and doors. So if you try to leave, you get electrocuted. Have fun." He laughed as he went out the door. He thought it was funny getting electrocuted? Jace really wanted to get up and run after Alec but didn't have the energy. And of course he didn't want to get electrocuted.

Tears ran down Clary's face. Jace was probably dead because of her. She stayed locked up in her room all day unless no one was home. Then there was a knock on the door for the hundredth time that day.

"Baby, you can't stay in there forever. It's not your fault. How many times do we have to tell you that? Isabelle, Simon, Magnus, Alec, and Maryse have all been here to tell you it is not your fault." Jocelyn had come by every hour to try to get Clary out of her room. "It's noon. I have to leave and go to the bridal shop and Luke has patrol duty. We'll be home around four o'clock."

Clary hadn't talk to anyone, besides Isabelle, sense the day of the battle. _My Jace__is gone and it's my fault_ she thought. Clary waited for Luke and her mom to leave. Then there was a knock on the front door.

"He's alive," Isabelle said as she walked inside. She was always somewhat nice to Clary. She was the only one who kept Clary updated anyways. "How are you holding up?"

"I feel like my heart broke into a million pieces and there's no way to put it back together." Clary looked down at her feet. "Does Jace want to see me? Does he hate me? I don't know what to do Isabelle. It's like my life decided to take a detour to Hell."

"Jace actually wants to see you. He tried getting up and walking but that lasted five seconds. He even told Alec to come down here, break your door open, and drag you down to the Institute." Isabelle kind of smiled at that. "And life isn't always sunshine and rainbows. Life might be hell sometimes but at least you have someone to go through it with you. I know how you feel. So does Alec and Simon. Alec and I lost Max and Simon's mother disowned him. Everything will be okay in the end. I'll see you later." Isabelle headed for the door.

"Wait! Can I go see him?"

Isabelle stopped and looked at Clary. "Brother Zachariah said no visitors yet. I'm sorry, Clary." She put a hand on Clary's shoulder. "How about we go out, get something to eat, then go shopping?"

"Thanks but I'm going for a walk to clear my head. I'll see you later I guess." Clary walked out the door.

"Jocelyn, calm down. She's probably walking around trying to figure things out. It's not that big of a deal." Luke had to calm Jocelyn down. She always worried about Clary. Clary did what she wanted.

"She's been gone for six hours! She won't answer her phone. Maryse said she wasn't at the institute. And she isn't at Simon's either. She is in so much trouble when she gets back! This is a huge deal! So don't tell me to calm down!" Her face was red with anger.

"You know she blames herself for what happened to Jace. You of all people should know that if she blames herself that will never change! Why do you think she's been locked in her room, Jocelyn?" Luke took out his phone and wrote _Go look for Clary text me if you find her__. _Five people texted back _Ok_. "Simon, Maia, Jordan, Isabelle, and Alec are out looking for Clary right now. They said they'll text me if they find her. So don't worry."

"Fine but we need to help them look. I am not going to sit here any longer."

"You are not going anywhere. If that means I have to sit on you, I will." Luke couldn't help but smile.

It was cold out. Clary shivered as she walked down the street. She forgot to grab her jacket when she left her house. There was a crash behind her. She turned around.

"Clary, are you okay?" Simon was standing right behind her with his phone in his hand. He caught her looking at it. "Luke sent a few of us out to look for you and told us text him when we found you. Please, Clary. Come with me and we'll get something to eat and we can talk. That's all we want to do. Isabelle said Brother Zachariah will let you see Jace. He's asking to see you."

"Simon, you don't understand what I've been through these last few days. I'm defiantly not okay. My mascara is running and my hair is all tangled." Clary wouldn't look Simon in the eye. "If you cared about me you would not take me back to my mother."

Isabelle came around the corner with Alec at her side. "Simon, you found her! Come on it looks like it might storm." Isabelle went to grab Clary's hand. Clary backed up. "Clary, Jace wants to see you. I'll take you to my room first so we can fix your make up and your hair. Alec, check her for weapons. Simon, pick her up."

Clary looked straight at Alec and Simon. "Touch me and die." She looked at Isabelle. "Please, Isabelle, let me go. I want to be alone. I'll go see Jace later but I need to be sure I'll be okay. Please don't follow me." She took off running.

_Clary lied dead on the bed next to Jace. For some reason he couldn't move. All he could do was yell Clary's name._

_ It was his fault she was dead. Alec said that she had died during the battle. The battle in which Jace was on one side and Clary was on the other. She died at his feet hand. He was the one who killed her. He remembered the blood and the dagger going through her heart._

_ "If you're dead, then I'm going to join you." Jace reached for a dagger on the bed side table. Jace raised it above his own heart and swung down- _

"Jace! Wake up! You're shaking like crazy!" Isabelle slapped him awake. "What happened to your arm? Where on earth did you get that dagger?"

Jace looked down at his arm to see it was cut open. A dagger was actually in his hand. "I must have cut it open during my dream. And to answer your other question, I have no idea."

"What was the dream about this time?"

"Same thing I dream about all the time." Jace was obviously talking about Clary. "Did you find her yet? Alec said she's been missing for ten hours now."

"Simon found her and texted me and Alec. We showed up a few minutes later. I tried talking some sense into her. I told her that she could come see you but she was gone inside her head. Said that she wanted be sure that she would be ok and wouldn't hurt herself."

"She was going to hurt herself?"

"I don't know. She just said she wanted to be sure she would be okay but she was a wreck."

"So she's gone? You can't find her?"

"No we can't find her, Jace"

"Let me go to her, Iz. She needs me more than I need her."

"I'm sorry, Jace. You still can't leave." She fluffed his pillow. "There's an emergency in the library so Alec and I won't be back in here till morning. Get some rest." She turned and left.

_Where is my Clary, _Jace thought.

There wasn't a problem in the library. Isabelle just said that so she and Alec could meet Simon, Luke, Maia, and Jordan in the park. Apparently Luke had news that couldn't wait till morning.

"Okay, so there is a minor problem right now. I found this," Luke held up a bloody dagger, "on my front porch and hour ago." Luke looked calm. How could he be calm?

"Minor? How could this be minor?" Alec always jumped to conclusions. "There could be a dead Shadowhunter or a Downworlder out there. This is not minor!"

"What the hell is your problem," Jordan shouted. "He's trying not to freak out! How would you feel if Isabelle was missing? How about you stop jumping to conclusions and shut the hell up!"

Isabelle had enough. "Don't yell at my brother, Jordan! He at least cares about want happens to Clary. I can't say the same about you. You only care about Maia. Admit it; you wouldn't be here if Maia wasn't!"

"Alec cares about what it would do to Jace. Do you really think he gives a damn about Clary? And leave Maia out of this." Jordan looked like he was about to pounce.

Maia looked at Jordan. "Answer the question, Jordan. Are you only here because of me?

"Are you taking her side over mine?" He saw the look on Maia's face. "Okay, yes, I'm only here because of you."

Maia looked hurt. Isabelle was done with everyone acting all sweet and innocent. "Don't look so surprised! You're only here because of Simon."

"Stop being a bitch," Maia snapped.

"That's it!" Isabelle kicked Maia in the side. A fight broke out between the two girls.

"Girls, calm down!" Jordan turned to Alec. "Get your slut of a sister off my girlfriend.

"Don't be a bastard. Oh, wait, too late." Alec punched Jordan in the jaw.

Simon stood in between the boys and banged their heads together so they both fell on the ground. "Luke, get the girls to stop. And you two," pointing at Jordan and Alec who both still sat on the ground, "get it together." The girls had stopped fight and where looking at Simon. "We don't need a Shadowhunters vs Werewolves battle when a battle just ended." He turned toward Luke. "Is there any way to tell whose blood is on the dagger?"

"Probably," Luke said.

"Great." Simon looked at the group. "I don't care if you're here for Clary or not. This is not minor. I think we pasted minor months ago. This is only the beginning."

A storm was about to start. Clary could hear the rumbling of thunder off in the distance. The air was still and the sky was as black as a bottomless pit.

Clay stood in the elevator of the Institute as it hurtled downward toward the infirmary. _Calm down, Clary. Jace is probably sleeping. I'd rather not talk to him anyways. _ The thoughts haunted her. She wanted to see Jace more than anything and to talk to him but she was just coming to say goodbye. She couldn't open that door again.

A few minutes later Clary arrived at the infirmary. Jace was asleep on one of the beds in the far end of the room. She started toward him. Clary took a seat at his bedside. "Jace," Clary said as tears filled her eyes. "I love you but I don't want anything bad to happen to you. I have to leave. I don't know where I'll go but I'll be okay... eventually." Clary took the Morgenstern ring and a letter out of her pocket and set them on the table. "The ring is more yours than it will ever be mine." She kissed Jace on the forehead and began to leave when a hand caught her wrist.

His golden eyes were staring at her. Jace was awake and he had hold of Clary. "Clary, I need you. Don't leave me."

"Jace, I don't need this right now. I have to go! I don't have a choice."

"Everyone has a choice. You, of all people, should know that."Jace sat up on the bed and pulled Clary down next to him. "You don't need to leave," he whispered. "We can get through this together."

Clary stared at him. _Why is he doing this now? __She _needed to leave before it was too late. "I love you but you don't understand, no one understands, what I'm going through." Clary pulled away from Jace and sprinted toward the door. "I'm sorry," she said. "I can't..." She broke off and held her side.

"Clary, what's wrong?" Jace was there when she looked up.

"I'm fine."

"No you're not." Jace moved her shirt to see a dagger wound not yet healed and still fresh with blood. "What have you been doing?"

Clary backed away and went out the door. "I'm sorry, Jace." Then she ran to the elevator.

Jace hadn't slept at all. Clary had come to him and now she was gone. She was gone and to remind him she left a letter and the ring for him. He had read over the letter at least 10 times but it still didn't make any sense.

"Jace, are you okay?" Alec walked into the room and saw how white his face was. "Is this about Clary?"

All Jace could do was nod.

"It's not your fault she got away."

"God damn it! I could have stopped her! I could have done something! And if it wasn't enough that I let her get away she left the Morgenstern and a letter." Jace was pacing the room and his face was red with anger.

"Let me read it."

Jace took the letter out of his pocket and Alec took it.

"Well, she sounds like she doesn't want to live anymore."

"She also had a dagger wound in her side. I wonder what that was about."

Alec looked up from the letter. "Wait, what did you just say?"

"She had a dagger wound."

Alec started pacing the room with a worried look on his face. "I have to notify the Clave. Tell Isabelle and Luke. Not good at all."

"What are you talking about, Alec?"

Alec ran to the door. "Sorry, Jace, but you need to rest." And Alec ran out the door.

Everyone was notified about Clary. Isabelle sat in the diner alone. Simon left to meet up with his sister and Alec was with Magnus trying to do a tracking spell on Clary. Why they didn't think of that sooner Isabelle will never know.

At that moment Alec ran into the diner. "We did it! We found out where Clary is! She's by the subway on 31st street."

Isabelle pulled out her phone. "Call mom and Luke. I'll call Simon. And no, Alec, don't tell Jace."

Simon was talking with his sister about what to do about their mother when his phone rang. "One second, Beck." He flipped his phone open. "Hello?"

"Simon," Isabelle sounded frantic. "We found Clary!"

"Where is she? I'll meet you there."

"Subway on 31st street. Hurry!"

Becca was looking at Simon. "They found her? Clary, I mean?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry. We can talk later though."

"Go be there for Clary. Get out of here." With a hug from Beck, Simon took off running towards the subway.

Clary was pacing back and forth on a subway platform. _I have to get out of here,_ she thought. Leaving New York was a big decision but if it would save Jace and everyone else it was an easy one. She looked at her ticket. "Great, 20 more minutes."

"Clary?" Clary turned around to see Luke, Simon, Alec, and Isabelle standing behind her. "What are you doing?"

"I'm leaving."

Isabelle stepped forward. "Well, we can see that."

Alec stayed silent while Simon moved forward to stand next to Clary. "Come home," Simon said. "You don't have to leave."

Clary started to stumble over her words. "Y-yes I do. S-Sebastian will k-kill Jace if I s-stay."

"Clary, you lost a lot of blood," Luke said.

"I-I can't. P-please, L-Luke." Clary collapsed on the scene.

Jace woke to a noise coming from the infirmary. He was in his room and could freely move around the Institute so he figured he would check it out. He walked into the room and Alec, Izzy, Maryse, Magnus, Jocelyn, and Luke were around a bed. "What is everyone doing here?"

Alec stepped away from everyone and stopped Jace from moving forward. "Jace, you don't need to see this." Jace pushed past Alec.

His stomach dropped. There on the bed was Clary. "What happened?" His voice was a whisper. No one would look at Jace or answer him. "What happened!" His voice rising to a shout.

"Jace, leave before you do anything you regret," Isabelle whispered as she pulled Jace away from the bed.

"Clary stabbed herself to save you." Alec joined them in the corner of the room.

"Shut up, Alec," Isabelle said.

"Well," Alec shrugged, "it's true."

Jace's head was spinning. "What happened?"

"Once you are better we'll tell you." Isabelle pushed him toward the door. "Seriously, I don't want you to beat yourself up, okay?"

Jace stormed out of the room. As soon as he was in his bedroom he punched a hole in the wall.

Clary woke up in the infirmary. No one was in there which was a good thing. She didn't need to be pounded with questions.

The doors opened and shut. She acted as if she were still asleep.

"I don't know if you're asleep but I'm going to be by your side all night. I know you think everything that has happened is your fault but it's not. I love you. I want to be here for you always. You know I would burn down the world until I could pull you from the ashes." Jace's voice cracked. "I will always be by there for you."

"No you won't. No one is ever always there." Clary's eyes were still closed. "And it is my fault. I could have killed you and you know it. I couldn't live with myself if I knew I was the reason for your death." Her eyes open and were staring at Jace. "Please leave me alone."

Jace sat next to Clary on the bed and pulled her close. "I love you," he said. "Nothing is ever going to change that. And I won't let you be alone. You are my whole world." He started to kiss her cheek and then her lips but she pulled away.

"I love you with all my heart. If you died, I wouldn't live for more than a week. Please don't die on me Jace." She cried into his shoulder.

"I won't." He bent his head down to kiss her and this time she didn't pull away.

**Clary's Letter to Jace**

Dear Jace,

I love you. This is all my fault and I'm trying to make it right. I'll be leaving New York for the sake of everyone. Please don't try to find me because I will probably be dead in the next five hours. I'm giving myself up to Sebastian. If I'm dead, it's only you and him. I know you can stop him, Jace. You are the only one who can. I will love you forever and always. Don't let Sebastian destroy the Jace I love.

Love,

Clary


End file.
